Spend Less Time Correcting
More Time Connecting
Want to foster a family environment based on co-operation and mutual respect?
By learning to coach your children with Compassionate Communication, you will spend less time correcting and more time connecting.
You can not make a child behave better by first making them feel worse. You may get results in the short term, but at a very large price. All misbehavior is your child trying to communicate something to you. Understanding what is at the core of misbehavior is the key to helping your child develop emotional intelligence.
Studies have shown that high scores on emotional intelligence test were a greater predictor of personal success and over all life satisfaction than any other kind of intelligence.
Give your child the gift of emotional intelligence by learning to parent in a way that will support who they are and what they have to offer the world.
Parenting through Divorce
Are your children blaming you, themselves or taking sides? Are you worried that you are causing irreparable emotional damage? have you tried counseling but still feel disconnected from your child?
Connection parenting takes you beyond counseling and teaches you communication skills that create a deep sense of connection and empathy. You will be able to answer tough questions about your divorce honestly, with out getting into the story of who is right and who is wrong.
You will learn age appropriate ways to handle tough questions and reduce feelings of fear and anxiety.
You can give your children the empathy and support they need to process painful feelings and develop the resilience and emotional intelligence that will help them navigate the future.
You will receive practical information on ways to decrease stress for your children and reduce the amount of disruption in your their lives. At different developmental stages children will revisit the pain of not having both of their parents living in the same house. You will gain confidence in your ability to support them with wisdom and compassion.
Are you feeling over whelmed? Does self-care sound seem like an impossible task? Find ways to simplify your life and get clear on what is truly important to you. Discover if you have any limiting beliefs that are keeping you from enjoying your life as a single parent. Do you have a difficult ex? Learn strategies to cope with this less than ideal situation. Learn to guide your children with empathy and awareness as they sort out their own emotions. You can learn to recognize what I call, "Good enough parenting." You can let go of guilt and model the power of resilience. You can teach emotional intelligence by cultivating it within yourself.
You don't need an expert to tell you that blended families comes with a unique set of issues. Sometimes the modern parenting advice just doesn't apply.
Have you heard the term "emotional bank account?"
Emotional bank accounts refer to the concept that as long as you are making more "deposits", (a term used to describe positive emotional interactions) than "withdrawals" (negative emotional interactions) then you are maintaining connection and therefore maintaing family harmony. I can help you learn tools that build empathy and communication, so you can more easily recognize what kind of deposits each of the individuals in your family need.
When I used to teach adoption readiness classes, for Adoption Mosaic, one thing that we emphasized was that all adoptions were special needs adoptions. This is may be obvious early on for some families. For others, issues around adoption may not be apparent until the onset of puberty or even later. Puberty is a time when children start to separate from their families and form their own individual identities. This is a stressful time for all parents and teens, but it can be especially difficult with young people who have been adopted. It is a time when empathetic communication is more important than ever. Whether your child is open with you about their fears an anxieties or if you sense your child is protecting you, it is so important to start a dialouge so that they know your unconditional love and support is unwavering. I can support you in doing this. Non-Violent Communication, also known as compassionate communication, is an incredible tool for transforming internal and external conflict into feelings of love and connection.
Tweens and Teens
Often when children become teenagers, parents find that old parenting tools that they used to rely on, no longer work. Even healthy authoritative approaches and great tools like "Love and Logic" begin to fall short as teens push back, test boundaries and demand more freedom. Children who were once sweet and compliant, may suddenly seem morose and argumentative or withdrawn and filled with anxieties. Children who have always had an energetic and confident nature, may start to seem incredibly combative and disrespectful or are demanding freedoms that you feel are inappropriate or even dangerous. Tensions around sexual awareness and exposure to alcohol and drug use, can start as early as middle school.
This is a time when frustrated and disillusioned parents often come to the disconcerting realization, that they are losing control. Don't make the mistake of trying to tighten control when this change occurs. Trying to enforce tighter restrictions may bring temporary compliance, but at the cost of trust and respect, as teens often choose to lie and lead a double life if they don't believe their parents to be reasonable (as they define it). It is paramount, at this point, to consider restructuring your parenting style as tweens and teens strive to become adults and gain more independence. I often tell parents that, "control is an illusion" and the best way to influence your teens in a positive way is to "focus on maintaining or building connection." This doesn't mean giving them all of the freedom that they crave, allowing them to ignore family expectations, boundaries or giving in to all of their demands. However, it may require some renegotiating of the rules and setting up new expectations, which allow them to earn freedoms through showing responsibility. What that that might look like is something that can be negotiated based on the needs and values of your individual family. I can work with parents and teens together, or parents individually, to mediate conflict and help you get clarity on what is most important to you. The goal is to keep them safe and prepare them for adulthood without losing your mind.